Everyone does it. It's bound to happen. You expect it to occur. Some people plan for it and have a strategy in place to make it less crippling. But when IT does happens, its very disappointing. In fact, it can be debilitating. When you "fall off the wagon" its difficult to accept and it can be the start of a very painful self loathing downward spiral, if left unchecked.
You're not strong enough. You don't have "will power". You aren't good enough. You can't do anything right. You don't deserve "something". You're, of course, the worst...a FAILURE! These are just a few of the thoughts and self appraisals that occur when you've fallen off the "wagon".
What is your "wagon"? Is it the exercise wagon? Is it the diet wagon? Is it the alcohol wagon? Is it the drug wagon? Is it a food wagon? What is "IT" that is your personal "wagon"? What are you "pulling" behind you to make yourself feel "less"? What do you battle every day? Is it only one wagon or are you so lucky as to have multiple wagons? Wagons... watch out for them. They're everywhere. And, as you may or may not realize, everyone has one...or some. Many will paint their wagons so they're less noticeable or less wagon-like. But don't be fooled. They're still a wagon!
Food is a tough "wagon". Let's face it, you need food. Your body needs it to thrive. Your very life depends on it. You can't just say, no food! I'm done with it! You can't go to "food AA" and expect to "win" over that particular "wagon". The balance between nutrition, healthy calorie intake and unhealthy food deprivation is a fine line. I watched a popular talk show about Portia De Rossi. A seemingly happy beautiful movie star that had it "all". She starved herself down to 82 pounds. She's 5'6''. Her organs started shutting down. Obviously, NOT healthy! In fact it seems ridiculous that a person would not be able to "see" that 82 pounds for an adult woman of average height was out of whack. Its seems crazy that anyone would think starving oneself to such a dangerous weight would be "pretty" or "good" or "sought after." But remember...that may not be your particular wagon! Food was Portia's big wagon!
So, they say admitting you have a wagon is the first step in overcoming. Well I, for one, think its not admitting you have a nice pretty red painted wagon but asking for help pulling that rusty over used beat up wagon. Going anything alone is tough, so why do it? As I have blogged before, if you don't ask you don't get. So ask. You never know, someone might just have a car to pull your wagon.
